


Just Because You Hate Yourself

by xCabooseRTRvB



Series: RT One-Shots [13]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Mentions of Eating Disorder, Mentions of Sleep Deprivation, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-17
Updated: 2015-03-17
Packaged: 2018-03-18 07:09:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3560729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xCabooseRTRvB/pseuds/xCabooseRTRvB
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray hates himself and Ryan does something about it.</p><p>Angst and self-harm, in case you don't read the tags.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Because You Hate Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> I'm a terrible person... I need some serious help... Take the computer away from me before I make more!

_Just because you hate yourself..._

Walking into the office somberly, Ray sat down at his desk and immediately put on his headphones to play music to distract himself from the office noise that usually goes on, especially if it's Monday.

Work.

Work.

Work.

That's all he did nowadays and it annoyed him how much the others took notice at his lack of enthusiasm during the videos. They even called him out on it a few times off camera and their viewers were pointing it out too. It all just annoyed him to the core and he was sick of it. He knew that he wasn't putting one hundred percent effort in the videos. He knew that he wasn't talking all that much. He knew that the others purposefully put him in less videos because there was no reason for him to be in a video if he didn't talk. He knew that he was slowly dying away from the world. He knew all of this.

Because he hated himself.

He hated how he sounded like on camera. He hated how people would complain about all the effort he put in a video. He hated how he looked like on camera. He hated how people told him to be more enthusiastic in videos. He hated how his co-workers would laugh at him for being stupid. He hated how he was slowly dying away from the world.

He hated how a piece of metal controlled his life.

Every single day that Ray woke up, he would go into the bathroom and stare at his cracked mirror for ages because he knew that he could see himself clearly and he was disgusted. He would get ready and skip breakfast, so he could have five minutes alone on his bathroom floor as he bled all over the floor. He would take another five minutes cleaning up the floor and stare at the mirror just to hit it again over and over because he didn't want to see himself anymore.

Ray would go to work with long sleeves and pants -- even in the summer -- to conceal the many scars that littered his arms and legs. He would pretend like nothing was wrong when he knew that they clearly knew that something was off about him, but he pretended that they didn't care because he knew they didn't care about him. He would stay quiet in videos until he was spoken to and it increased the others' worry, but he still ignored it. When lunch came around, he continued to work because he had lost his appetite a long time ago and he was getting skinnier and skinnier by the days.

The others knew that Ray wasn't okay and they weren't just about to sit around and do nothing about it. So, Ryan was the first one to ask Ray about it.

Tapping Ray on the shoulder, Ryan waited for Ray to take off his headphones and turn around, "Ray, could I talk to you privately?" He whispered and Ray just shrugged and followed Ryan. As they walked, Ryan tried to find the right words and they stopped in a hallway that barely anyone walks by. Sighing, Ryan just went straight to the point, "Ray, I know something has been bothering you and I want to know how I can help. It's clearly done a number on you." He said as he examined Ray again. He looked like he hadn't slept in days, hadn't eaten in weeks, and hadn't thought of wearing summer clothes.

"'m fine." Ray answered as he tried to pass Ryan to leave, but Ryan extended his arm out to stop him. Ray raised an eyebrow at him, silently questioning Ryan.

Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Ryan continued, "Look, Ray. I don't know what you're going through. Why you're acting this way. But whatever it is, just know that I'll be here to listen to any of your problems. I'll be here for you." Ryan placed a hand on his shoulder as Ray flinched away and Ryan quickly retracted his hand, frowning.

"I-I--" Ray's eyes looked unfocused and he looked frantic as he tried to look at anything, but Ryan. "I have to go." He said quickly as he ran out of the building, leaving a very confused Ryan behind. Home was the only safe place that Ray could hide from anyone, so he decided to head there before someone followed him.

Locking his door and swiftly heading to the bathroom, Ray picked up the piece of metal and began to furiously cut as he bled and continued to remind himself that no one cared for him. No one would bother to comfort him. No one, in their right minds, would love him. Moments later, he heard knocks on the door as he dropped the metal in shock and he sat there frozen. He didn't know what to do. What was he supposed to do in a situation like this? They were going to find him like this, bleeding to death.

The knocks turned into bangs and soon enough he curled in on himself as the door was busted open and he heard frantic footsteps searching the apartment for him. The footsteps got closer to the bathroom as Ray could feel the blood oozing out of his wounds and before whoever was in his apartment could see him, he welcomed sleep with open arms.

°~◊◊◊~°

Blinking his eyes open, Ray saw a white ceiling with blinding lights above him as he heard a constant beep next to him. Then, everything rushed to him in an instant and Ray sat up quickly, almost pulling out the IV in his arm. Searching the room frantically, Ray spotted most of his co-workers in the room and they stared at him for a good long minute. "I'm sorry." He said quietly as Ryan, who was sitting in the chair next to his bed, sighed.

"There's nothing you need to be sorry about." Ryan informed him and turned to the others. "Can I speak with him privately?" He asked softly as the others nodded and reluctantly left the room and closed the door.

"Are you going to tell me how self-centered I am? How I did this to gain attention?" Ray asked harshly as he refused to look at Ryan.

"No, I'm going to tell you that I love you."

Turning to Ryan quickly, Ray stared at him skeptically, "What?"

"I love you." Ryan repeated with a smile. "And I want you to know that my ears are always open. I didn't go to your apartment for no reason. I went there because I wanted to know that you were okay. I love you Ray, just please don't do that again. Never again." Ryan put his head down on the bed. "Please don't let me find you on the floor bleeding out again." He said as he cried.

Placing a hand on Ryan's shoulder, Ray waited for Ryan to look up at him, "I love you too, Ryan." They hugged happily and Ray clung to Ryan and cried on his shoulder. Someone loved him.

_There will always be one person who loves you._

**Author's Note:**

> Questions? Criticism? Prompts? Encouragement? How'd you like this? Comment below!


End file.
